How to Teach Language Skills for Theory of Mind

 Language is the key to developing Theory-of-Mind.

Language isn't only the key to Theory-of-Mind, but it is "the only ability that has clearly been shown to be directly related to Theory-of-Mind competence" (pg. 28). That's a pretty strong statement.

Language is the biggest factor to having Theory of Mind. So if you want your child to have Theory-of-Mind, then you must develop their language skills.

What is Theory of Mind? (read this post)

Why is Theory of Mind important? (explore the topic here)

Your child needs language skills to develop of use Theory of Mind, yes, but there are a few specifics that could really help your kiddo!

Here are the specific language skills that support Theory of Mind:

  1. Vocabulary (cognition, perception, emotion)
  2. Basic Concepts (real vs. pretend)
  3. Story Telling & Recall
  4. Syntax (conjunctions)


There are three types of vocabulary words you need to teach your child for ToM development. These words help your child to learn about how others perceive, interact with, and feel about the world. Here are the three categories of vocabulary and why each one is important.

  1. Cognition
    1. Your child needs to have words to describe 'mental states' or the things going on inside someone's head.
    2. Examples: think, know, remember, guess, perceive, intend, believe, suspect, assume & imagine
  2. Perception
    1. These are the words that describe how someone interacts with the physical world.
    2. Examples: see, hear, touch, feel
  3. Emotion
    1. These words are pretty self-explanatory.
    2. Examples: happy, sad, angry, excited, frustrated

Perception and emotion are the vocabulary that your child begins to learn around age 2. Around 4 years old, your child begins to learn the words for cognition.

Keep in mind that these are the ages when the vocabulary emerges. Children may say some words and phrases before they really have an in-depth understanding of a them. Keep in mind too that emerging is when a skill starts to show up but is not yet mastered.

Basic Concepts

Your child needs to be able to tell if something is real or pretend.

This concept of imaginary vs. real is something you see a child catch on to when they started using more advanced play skills like pretend play.

Seeing a child pretend to play "school" is not only super adorable, but also an indicator that your child is beginning to distinguish between what is real and pretend in the here and now.

(Want to encourage pretend play? Try using toys like this doctor kit or these dress up clothes)

Story Telling

Your child needs to how to tell a story so that they learn how to think of events logically and connect cause and effects. Story telling is really important because your child needs to be able to explain how "emotions, thoughts, and actions are linked over time" (pg. 67) to develop ToM.

(here's a post about narrative skills of kiddos who are DHH and how you can help your child improve their story telling)


When your child is explaining cause and effect and how things are connected, there are some specific sentence types they need to know. (btw, this portion on syntax is from my musings on the topic and not directly from the ebook this post was developed from.)

The conjunctions "but" and "so" are key elements your child needs to know how to use in sentences to talk about ToM.

"But" is important because your child uses it to identify and describe differences.... which is what ToM is all about. With ToM, your child is recognizing, identifying, and understanding the differences in how others' think.

"But" = explaining differences

"So" is the next conjunction that you need to focus on teaching your child. "So" can be used to describe cause and effect which is super important for ToM because your child needs to connect others' thoughts, perspectives, and emotions with their actions.

"So" = explaining a result

Now how does your child develop all these language skills?

Language Skills & Close Relationships

Developing close relationships with people like parents, grandparents, and siblings are really important because it's within the interactions of these relationships that your child is first exposed to others' thoughts, beliefs, and actions.

When you think about it, it feels so intuitive. When mom accidentally breaks a glass and is sad, the toddler sees this. In this scenario, your child would have an opportunity to learn that the two of you have a different reaction to the same event.

Language skills are important to developing Theory of Mind. Click To Tweet

It's in these natural and spontaneous interactions that you can really help your child begin to recognize that others are different by talking about your thoughts, emotions and perspectives.

When you talk, use the vocabulary that describes cognition, perception and emotion. Instead of just saying "I'm sad," provide more explanation by saying "I'm sad because ____."

Your child may not understand everything, like that you're frustrated that the milk spilled because you've already spent grocery budget this month.... but your child needs to be exposed to these situations and explanations so that they can begin to develop ToM.

And your child probably won't hear as many explanations like this outside of these close relationships.

For example, your child may see that the cashier at the grocery looks sad but won't hear the explanation and have an opportunity to connect that emotion with a belief, thought or action.

In addition to discussing the cause & effect of your emotions, thoughts and actions; you can use simple strategies to help your child develop ToM.

These additional strategies you can use are how you read books together, encouraging your child's pretend play skills and providing opportunities for your child to learn to use conjunctions.

Tying Together Theory of Mind, Language & Social Skills

Your child needs to develop language skills to develop ToM.

ToM is incredibly important because it's the foundation your child needs to develop social skills. Social skills have a big impact on your child's success in the classroom and on the playground.

Language, ToM and social skills are all connected and interdependent. Help your child build these critical skills so that your child can develop the social skills needed to be successful on the playground and become socially competent individuals.

Want a free cheatsheet all about language & Theory-of-Mind?

 yes, please!

(P.S. This post contains affiliate links cause momma's gotta bring home the bacon. If I do receive a negligible kick-back from a purchase, thank you!)


Astington, J. W., & Baird, J. A. (Eds.). (2005). Why language matters for theory of mind. Retrieved from

2 thoughts on “How to Teach Language Skills for Theory of Mind

  1. Thank you so much for all these valuable information!!!!!By tha way, I have read a lot of your articles!!!All are wonderful!

    1. Oh my heck, you are so nice!! 🙂 I appreciate your positive feedback so much. If you have any suggestions of future posts or topics you’d like more information on, I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Read previous post:
My Favorite Baby Books

Baby and toddler books were the first items on my registry when I prepped for Baby Boy's arrival. Some of...