When I lived with roommates, sharing was one of the hardest things to do. If you shared some milk one time, that meant that all of your food was free game forever. The same with clothing. While sharing with roommates was a slippery slope to communal possessions, sharing is actually something that is important and something that I’m glad I’m willing to do. As an adult, I’m aware that when I loan or share something that I’m probably not going to have the item returned. It’s okay though because I know what I’m willing to ‘give away’ and what I’m not willing to sacrifice for the sake of prosocial behavior.
Do I have to Share?
Children encounter similarly uncomfortable circumstances on the playground with sharing. If a peer asks for your toy, do you aways have to give it away? Does simply asking mean that you’ll always get what you want? Eh, real life says no.
A few weeks ago I called my internet provider to negotiation lower rates, didn’t happen. Asking did not guarantee receiving. And that’s okay. It’s okay to have unmet expectations and for children to not always get what they want.
So while I don’t force children to always share if a peer demands a toy (I do encourage sharing and/or trading and/or waiting for a turn), it’s still something that children need to learn to do so that they can develop positive relationships with their peers and learn how to play with friends.
How do you teach sharing?
Sharing can be encouraged by self-talk and modeling, round robin activities, increased emotional awareness, and positive reinforcement.
Forcing a child to share may seem to your child like a punishment and may lead to increased possessiveness (Brownell, et al., 2013). To minimize negative experiences with sharing, provide genuine and specific positive reinforcement so that sharing is a rewarding experience.
- Self-Talk and Modeling
- When playing with a child, use self-talk to demonstrate how you share. A potential dialogue may be as follows, “Hmm, I had a turn with this dolly. It was a lot of fun, but now it is time for me to let Jane have a turn. Sharing makes my friends happy!” or “Jonny is not sharing his puzzle with me, that makes me really sad.”
- Round Robin Activities
- Round Robin is a technique where everyone takes a turn doing the same action in order to demonstrate a skill.
- Play “Hot Potato” and use the phrases “My turn” and “Your turn” to demonstrate turn taking and support basic sharing concepts.
- Increased Emotional Awareness
- Children who can label and talk about emotions and are encouraged to think and explain another’s emotions, share more frequently and more quickly (Brownell, et al., 2013).
- Read story books such as I am Happy: A Touch and Feel Book of Feelings by Steve Light and Today I Feel Silly and Other Moods that Make My Day by Jamie Lee Curtis to practice labeling emotions (Brownell, et al., 2013).
- During a story book reading, use phrases such as “Is he happy or mad?” “How is she feeling?” and “I wonder how she is feeling” to provide your child with opportunities to identify emotions (Brownell, et al., 2013).
- More Suggested Books
- The Mine-O-Saur by Sudipta Bardhan-Quallen
- Will Sheila Share? by Elivia Savadier
- I Want It by Elizabeth Crary
- We Share Everything by Robert Munsch
- More Suggested Books
Do you have any tips for getting children to share? How do you help children negotiate when to share?
Brownell, C.A., Svetlova, M., Anderson, R., Nichols, S.R., & Drummond, J. (2013). Socialization of early prosocial behavior: Parents’ talk about emotions is associated with sharing and helping in toddlers. Infancy: The Official Journal of the International Society on Infant Students, 18, 91-119.
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